Most families tour two or three communities in a single week, usually after a fall, a hospital stay, or a phone call that made it clear that living alone is no longer working. By the third tour the lobbies blur together. Every community has a fireplace, a dining room, and a kind person at the front desk.
What separates a good fit from a mistake is rarely visible from the lobby. It shows up in how a community answers specific questions, and in a handful of things you can notice if you know to look. This is the list we would want our own families to bring.
Before you go: three things to settle
A tour goes better when you arrive knowing what you need. Spend ten minutes on these first.
- What help does your parent need today? Bathing, dressing, medications, meals, getting around, memory support. Be honest, including about the things your parent minimizes.
- What is likely to change in the next two years? A community that only fits today's needs may mean another move soon.
- What matters most to your parent, not to you? A garden, a church service, a dog visiting, a particular kind of food. These are the details that turn a room into a home.
Questions about care
- Who assesses my parent before move-in, and how often is the care plan reviewed? A good answer names a nurse, describes a written plan, and sets a review schedule (often quarterly and after any change in condition).
- How are medications handled? Ask who administers them, how they are stored, and how the family is told about changes.
- What happens when needs increase? Can the community support more help with daily activities, or is there a point where a resident must move? Ask them to describe a real example.
- Is there a nurse on site, and when? Hours matter. Ask what happens overnight and on weekends.
- How do you handle a fall, a sudden illness, or a hospital trip? Listen for a clear protocol and a promise about how quickly the family is called.
- If my parent has memory loss, how is the memory care neighborhood different? Ask about the layout, the daily structure, staff training, and how residents move between levels of care.
Questions about staffing
- How many caregivers are on duty on each shift, and for how many residents? Ask for the day, evening, and overnight numbers separately.
- How long has the executive director been here? The director of nursing? The dining director? Stable leadership is the single best predictor of stable care.
- How do you train new caregivers, and how do you train for dementia care?
- Do you use agency staff? Some use is normal. Heavy, ongoing use is a warning sign.
Questions about daily life
- Can we see this week's activity calendar, and can we see an activity actually happening? A calendar is a plan. A room full of residents is proof.
- Can we eat a meal here? The best communities will seat you for lunch without being asked. Taste the food, watch how long residents wait, and notice whether staff know names.
- Can residents keep their own schedule? Wake-up times, meal times, bedtime. Flexibility is a sign of person-centered care.
- How are families involved? Ask about care conferences, how to reach the nurse, and whether there is a family council or regular communication.
- What are the visiting policies, and can grandchildren visit?
Questions about cost and contracts
Pricing varies widely between communities and between apartment types, and the base rate is rarely the whole story. Ask these questions so you can compare apples to apples.
- What is included in the base monthly rate, and what is billed separately? Care levels, medication management, incontinence care, transportation, salon services, and cable are common add-ons.
- How are care levels determined, and how much does the rate change between them?
- Is there a community fee or deposit? Is any of it refundable?
- How much notice is required to move out, and what happens to prepaid rent?
- How often do rates change, and by how much have they changed in the past two years?
- Do you accept long-term care insurance, veterans benefits, or state programs? Ask who on staff helps families with the paperwork.
Questions about licensing and safety
- Is the community licensed, and can we see the most recent state survey? In Tennessee, assisted care living facilities are licensed and inspected by the state's Health Facilities Commission, and survey results are public records. A community should be comfortable sharing its most recent results and explaining anything that was corrected.
- How is the building secured, and how does the memory care neighborhood prevent wandering?
- What is the emergency plan for severe weather or a power outage? Memphis storms are a fact of life. Ask about generators and drills.
- Is there an emergency call system in each apartment and bathroom, and what is the typical response time?
What to notice without asking
Some of the most useful information on a tour is never spoken.
- Smell. A clean community smells like food and fresh air, not like air freshener covering something else.
- Faces. Do residents look engaged, groomed, and comfortable? Are they out of their rooms?
- Staff interactions. Do caregivers greet residents by name and make eye contact? Do they look rushed?
- Call lights. If you hear one, time how long it takes to be answered.
- The dining room between meals. Is it set for the next meal? Are there menus posted?
- Outdoor space. Is it accessible, shaded, and actually used?
- How your parent reacts. Watch them. They often know within minutes whether a place feels right.
A simple way to compare communities
After each tour, before you drive to the next one, write down three things: the single best thing you saw, the single biggest concern, and one question you forgot to ask. Call the community the next day with that question. How they handle a follow-up call tells you a lot about how they will handle the next two years.
Then ask for a second visit at a different time of day, ideally unannounced, and ideally over a meal. Mornings and late afternoons show a community at its busiest.
Printable checklist
Bring this on every tour and fill it in while it is fresh.
- Who assesses care needs, and how often is the plan reviewed?
- Who gives medications, and how are families told about changes?
- What happens when needs increase?
- Nurse hours, including nights and weekends
- Caregivers per shift: day, evening, overnight
- Tenure of the executive director, nurse leader, and dining director
- Agency staff use
- This week's activity calendar, and one activity seen in person
- A meal eaten in the dining room
- What the base rate includes, and every add-on
- Community fee, deposits, and refund terms
- Rate increase history
- Most recent state survey results
- Security, wandering prevention, and emergency plans
- Call-light response time observed
- Best thing, biggest concern, one follow-up question
How we answer these questions
The Pointe at Kirby Gate is a family-owned assisted living and memory care community with 60 residences in East Memphis. We are small enough that every caregiver knows every resident, and we welcome every one of the questions above. Tours are private and scheduled around your family, and we would rather show you an ordinary weekday than a staged one. Come for the visit, stay for lunch.